Heartbeats
by Blackbirdox
Summary: Neil's feelings about every significant event shared between him and the love of his life.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Dead Poets Society. But Charlie is handcuffed to my bed and he will not be returned any time soon.**

**A/N: This is another one-shot request that was written for TreeHuggerMusicLover. I hope she likes it and that the rest of you do as well. As always, thank you for reading and if you have a few seconds to spare be sure to leave a review and let me know what you think. **

Neil is intrigued the first time he sees her.

He hadn't been all that excited over the announcement that Welton was finally opening their doors to females. Glad? Yes. Thrilled? Not exactly. He had been looking forward to it but he wasn't particularly tripping over himself with excitement as the majority of his friends- mainly Charlie- were. He had other things on his mind and while having female company would be a nice change, it wasn't his main concern as he entered his junior year.

She caught his eye from across the room during Nolan's traditional welcoming speech. He wasn't sure what it was but there was just _something_ about her. She wasn't the prettiest girl he'd ever laid eyes on but she was beautiful in a more subtle, understated way. He simply couldn't seem to look away from her.

He sat entranced and watched her fiddle with a loose tendril of her shiny brown hair, twisting and twirling it absentmindedly around her finger. There was boredom evident on the planes of her pretty face and he had to choke back a laugh when she began to roll her eyes every once in awhile about half way through the ceremony.

Neil was on his feet the moment they were dismissed but he'd lost sight of her as soon as the crowd dispersed. He whipped his head around and pushed his way through groups of people- trying in vain to find her again. He'd left the hall disappointed, but hopeful. The prospect of another year at Welton seemed just a little brighter now.

Whatever that little something was about her, it had sucked him in like a magnet with a piece of metal and now he was just stuck. He was going to find her. He _had _to find her.

--

Neil is smitten the first time they speak.

Her name was Jamie and she sat directly across from him in math. From the first day of class onward, she proved to be a complete distraction and he spent more time paying attention to her than he did his work. He loved the way she'd thoughtfully chew on her pencil or the way her brow would furrow in confusion when met with a particularly difficult problem. Neil swore she got prettier every day he saw her- her hair would look shinier or softer or her smile was brighter or there was a light in her eyes that wasn't there the day before. To him, she was just perfect.

Their first interaction didn't go quite as well as he had hoped it would. Instead of doing his class work, he was tapping his pencil against the side of his desk and almost like fate had planned it, it slipped from his fingers and rolled across the floor to settle right under Jamie's desk.

His heart thudded wildly behind his chest and he shifted in his seat a little as he debated about what to do. It was just a pencil after all and seeing as how he hadn't been working anyway, he hadn't really needed it back but he didn't want to pass up the opportunity to talk to her. So took a deep breath, leaned across his desk and whispered her name.

She looked over her shoulder at him and raised an eyebrow slightly in curiosity. Neil nervously licked his lips and leaned in a little further, pointing to the pencil on the floor. "Can you get that for me?"

She simply nodded in response and retrieved the pencil as asked but Neil could have sworn a smile briefly crossed her lips as she handed it over, allowing their fingers to brush. The feeling left him in a bit of a daze and he could barely choke out his thanks as he settled back in his seat.

"You're welcome," she responded as she twisted back in her own chair, tossing her dark hair over her shoulder.

Her voice resonated through his head the entire rest of the day.

--

Neil begins to fall in love on the day of what was supposed to be their very first date.

He had made it a point to befriend her and they'd grown close throughout the course of the remainder of their junior year and the following summer as they kept in touch through letters and phone calls. Once they'd returned to school, it had taken him weeks to work up the nerve to ask her the question that had been nagging at the back of his mind since he'd met her but every fear and worry vanished the moment she said yes.

He'd gone to bed early the night before when his excitement had gotten the best of him. He just wanted the hours until the next day to pass quickly. His plan was to wake up well rested the next morning but instead, he woke up feeling like he'd been hit by a semi-truck during the night.

His entire body from the top of his head to the tips of his toes ached. His throat hurt. He was so congested he could barely breathe. He was sick- very sick- and he'd never been more disappointed about anything in his entire life.

He sent Todd out to apologize on his behalf- fearful that this had blown his chance of ever forging a relationship other than friendship with Jamie. But as she tended to do, she came through and surprised him. Not more than a half hour later, she showed up in his room offering a bowl of soup, a glass of juice and a brilliant smile.

"I thought this might help," she explained with a small shrug of her shoulders. "The cook sends his apologies on your illness."

In spite of everything, Neil tossed back his head and laughed. "I'll have to thank him," he sniffled in reply as he ushered her inside the room. "I'm sorry about all of this."

Jamie merely shook her head. "Don't worry about it. I understand."

She placed the bowl and the glass on his desk and when she turned back to face him again, Neil closed the distance between them in three long strides and kissed her.

She was perfect for him.

--

Neil is certain he's in love the night they have their very first fight.

He didn't remember why they were fighting or what had started it but he did know he regretted it. More than anything.

Watching her run out of his room in tears gave him the feeling of having a block of lead settled in his stomach. Her last words had been, "stay away from me, Neil" but the guilt that was already eating away at him refused to let him do that.

He hurried down the hall after her, nearly tripping over his own feet in his haste. He just couldn't leave things like they were. He had to fix them. Neil flung open the door to her room and began rambling apologies the moment his gaze landed on her tear stained face.

"I'm sorry, Jamie! I'm sorry. For everything. Whatever I said or did, I didn't mean it and I'm… I'm just sorry. I love you, okay? _I love you_."

She didnt say anything in response- she just crossed the room and threw her arms around his neck, nuzzling her face into the fabric of his shirt. "I love you too," she whispered, uttering a choked laugh. "So much."

Neil is just so relieved and he ended up laughing as well as he pulled her closer and buried his face in her hair. After a moment of silence, he pulled back and stared down at her with a crooked grin. "I love you more."

--

Standing next to her at the alter on their wedding day makes Neil realize he couldn't have picked a better person to spend the rest of his life with.

Her face is lit up with genuine joy and love and she's as beautiful as he's ever seen her. He can't wipe the smile off his face no matter how hard he tries and he can't remember a time where he was this happy or excited.

In the way that only she can, she flubs her vows halfway through and bursts into giggles. And as Neil laughs a long with her, he falls a little more in love because this is what they are. They're not perfect- not in the storybook romance sense- but they're their own twisted version of perfect. They have their ups and downs but there's always joy and love abounds and Neil can't imagine anything better. Every little thing they go through together strengthens the already unbreakable bond they share and whatever the future holds, he's prepared to weather it with her. There is never a dull moment.

He loves her with every fiber of his being and every beat of his heart is for her. He couldn't ask for anything more.


End file.
